Jan 17 2009
Surrender…
Surrender, the key to authentic recovery, I believe, is the most difficult idea for addicts to grasp. Mainly because it is not about them…and that was/is my biggest deal…something not about me…the almighty me…I want it…when…where…how…I want it!
Today’s post is an excerpt from several days of incoherent thoughts on the subject…I hope you can make heads or tails of it…
Every night in the darkness, fear breeds panic, I look for light, only to find more darkness, as the darkness grows, the air becomes damp, pungent with the aroma of death and despair…the death of a soul destined to be a warrior, the despair of a life designed for receiving and dispensing HOPE!
In the darkness, the quietness screams, fear conquers, life slips further and further down…farther and farther from its destiny…little by little the breath of life is squeezed out…until…finally….RELEASE!!!
In that moment of surrender, light pierces and darkness evaporates. Panic and despair are extinguished. Hope’s light enters to every crevice and the soul breaths in deeply. Destiny has returned to claim what is His.
The screaming is replaced with quiet, the aroma, sweet honeysuckle, confirms, life is here. The light warms the soul; the springs of water quench the insatiable thirst of a soul in the depths. Love conquers the heart of a man, and the name of warrior is given.
He rises, fierce and brave to surrender once again. Surrendering to hope, light, life, victory, and destiny…to the person of life…authentic life…from the source…the poser is dead!
“The fierceness of a man’s heart is determined by the resolve of his surrender.”
Logan Anderson, May 2007
I love your blog. This entry is no exception. It reads like prose poetry.
Your blog rocks. I nominated it for the Lemonade Award. If you participate in this kinna thing, you can pick it up on my blog.
May God bless you and your family.
Roxie
Recovery Rocks!
http://recoveryrocks.today.com/
Great thoughts! It is scary, that momen when you have to decide, whether you are going to live, or continue to die. Pam
Mr. Anderson- I have been reading your posts and have enjoyed your thoughts and how you express them so boldly and without shame or reservation. If more people in the world would share their stories in the same way, just imagine how many more people would get help.
Personally, I am not an addict, however someone very dear to me is. Without going into a long story, this person has been in recovery and is returning home in the next couple of weeks. No one feels like its a good time- the lies have continued, etc. Because of your posts, I wanted to ask what your thoughts were on how best to handle this return. I am angry, resentful and hurt and at the moment do not want to see this person. I just need space. When they went for treatment I was completely supportive and truly did not have hard feelings, however at this point I am upset because things have continued and they still play the blame game- or victim- whatever. How can I best respond to them? How do I show love but reality of what has happened as well? Thank you for any thoughts. I feel strange asking a total stranger about this, but then isn’t this what blogs are for? Thanks again.
Thank you for your kind words, I am only able to share as those before me have shared, someone taught me how to be open and God himself has removed my shame and guilt…that which draws you in, is in fact, Him…
As far as your loved one, it is hard to say how to approach this situation. There are some pretty simple principles, not easy, but simple, to follow. First, a few questions though, if you don’t mind…?
What is his/her addiction? How long have they been away in recovery? What is it particularily are you angry at? Has their addicition put a harship on you personally, financial, loss of job, lying to you for money, stealing from you…what is it that you find the most appalling and creates the most anger in you ?
Is this person in your immediate family, what is your relationship to this person? Spouse, sibling, In-law, relative, friend, romantic interest
Who is “no one”, and why do they feel it is not a good time to return from recovery?
Has this person expressed to you personally what is going on? How is their recovery going? Is your information from them or someone else?
What do you want to hold them accountable for? How do you know they are still playing the blame game/victim mentality?
After you answer these questions, I can offer what has worked for me and how my relationships changed after my recovery…maybe that will help.
Thanks.
Logan Anderson