Jan 10 2009
The Plateau…part 3…
…for many of us, we are confused. We take the misinformation we have received over a lifetime about who God is and draw our own conclusions about what He wants for us. We assume that because God loves us, so much so, that He died for us, and obviously wants the best for us, His job in recovery is to restore the life we want so that we will be free from addiction to live our lives as we desire. Again, what we do not see is that recovery is simply a relationship with Him. He desires us more than we desire anything. His idea of the perfect life is this relationship, a perfect relationship. A relationship that is based on His ideals…His desires…His timetable…His deal…NOT ours. His plans include a life that contains more than we can wrap our little pea brains around.
When I imagine my life now that I am in recovery, I see streets of gold and the milk and honey flowing ceaselessly. What He sees, however, is a life that is content to simply know Him…free to love boldly…free to receive love boldly…restoration at its core level. We see a life that can finally live out as we imagined it. He sees a life that is not focused on here and now, but in the next life. He sees surrender, joy, and wholeness!
The desire to own that truck is the very same desire I have for my recovery. Life will better now than before…that I would reach the plateau where everyone would look at me, not with the disdain of an addict, but with the admiration and acceptance of a man who has beat his demons. A success…a man worthy of anything he now has because he climbed the mountain and is now at the plateau. The place where all the crap and toil of recovery have earned him a place free from the same-ole, same-ole…
I wear my recovery as a badge in the same way I want to drive the badge of my success and significance. Isn’t it strange, even now as I write, I see myself in that vehicle…completely fulfilled…complete somehow, through the magic of my own twisted mind, of what success looks like. “Sure I will teach a class on recovery”…”I will be happy to help a poor, sorry no good addict with turning his life around”…”absolutely I will sponsor you…I have made it and you can too…with my help and expertise..” “I know the way to freedom…”
Surely, I must have arrived…I must have this addiction licked, I am being asked to share how to do it. The only problem with that…I am an addict still. It’s like the old saying goes, “…if you live in the garage…it does not make you a car”. You teach all the recovery classes in the world, reunite with your family, obtain the forgiveness of your children, wife, family, and friends, get a better job that you have ever had, learn to set your finances in order and save your money, accomplish all of the things that eluded you before recovery, and appear to be a raving success to all that look at you. You may never get the life back that you wanted or believed recovery would provide. You may never get your family back, you may never have the kind of job you once had, or you may relapse and never get free at all…are you a success then? Unless you stop reaching for a plateau and strive for your permanent home, the answer is, “no” !!!
…again…more tomorrow
~T
Hey ~T.,
“…for many of us, we are confused.”
Great opening line. Only the confused about not being confused can deny this.
“We take the misinformation we have received over a lifetime about who God is and draw our own conclusions about what He wants for us.”
Why do you think this is? Spiritual sloventry? The inability to individually process scared texts? The misguided doctrine of “Don’t you dare think for yourself?”
“We assume that because God loves us, so much so, that He died for us, and obviously wants the best for us, His job in recovery is to restore the life we want so that we will be free from addiction to live our lives as we desire.”
Isn’t this the self-centeredness that the AA Big Book says we must rid ourselves of or it will kill us? Yes, I expected a new freedom in recovery, but not to live life as *I* desired. Self-will run riot was my ruin when living in my addictions. I knew goin’ in what Step Three says, and it caused me much pause and hesitation. When I finally surrendered my life and my will (my desires) over to my Maker, did that not mean I would be free to live my life as *He* desires?
I am a volitionist. I believe God gave us free-will in the hopes we will choose to serve Him. Addiction raped me of my choices. Recovery restored them.
“When I imagine my life now that I am in recovery, I see streets of gold and the milk and honey flowing ceaselessly. What He sees, however, is a life that is content to simply know Him…free to love boldly…free to receive love boldly…restoration at its core level. We see a life that can finally live out as we imagined it. He sees a life that is not focused on here and now, but in the next life. He sees surrender, joy, and wholeness!”
I used to believe “He sees a life that is not focused on here and now, but in the next life,” but I don’t know.
“In the Sweet by and By” wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to know where God was when I was molested as a child, and where was God NOW when I desperately needed Him.
The nature of God is omniscient. He cares about me today, right now, at this very moment, as well as the next life. If this were not true, I would not be a Christian.
“The desire to own that truck is the very same desire I have for my recovery. Life will better now than before…that I would reach the plateau where everyone would look at me, not with the disdain of an addict, but with the admiration and acceptance of a man who has beat his demons. A success…a man worthy of anything he now has because he climbed the mountain and is now at the plateau. The place where all the crap and toil of recovery have earned him a place free from the same-ole, same-ole…”
Did YOU beat your demons? Do you take credit for your recovery? What about “Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you”?
Is it possible God did for you what you could not do for yourself?
Where does the sense of entitlement in “A success…a man worthy of anything he now has because he climbed the mountain and is now at the plateau” come from?
“Surely, I must have arrived…I must have this addiction licked, I am being asked to share how to do it.”
A sex addict with his addiction licked.
Do you believe in the disease process of addiction?
“The only problem with that…I am an addict still.”
Why is that a problem? It’s not a problem for me today. I am an addict. A recovering addict. The knife no longer twists in my belly when I identify. What is the difference between admitting and accepting to you?
“You may never get your family back, you may never have the kind of job you once had, or you may relapse and never get free at all…are you a success then? Unless you stop reaching for a plateau and strive for your permanent home, the answer is, “no” !!!”
Back to basics. What is your definition of success in recovery? If I make it through this day without practicing my addictions, am I not a success?
What about non-contingent recovery?
I don’t understand your last sentence.
I’m still listening. What else you got?
Recovery Rocks!
Roxie